Spitzer Jokes


Spitzer Jokes

  • Jimmy Kimmel:
    • Now they are saying he may have spent $80,000 on prostitutes over the last ten years. Is that a lot? I mean if you do the math, that’s only $22 a day. I spend that on Direct TV.
    • Today he held another press conference he said he needed to leave to begin the difficult process of healing. Not emotionally -- his wife hit him in the face with a George Foreman Grill.
    • Some of the more sordid details are starting to emerge, supposedly, Spitzer didn't like to wear a condom which I’m sure was just the cherry on top of his wife's cake.
    • Client #9 deposited $4,300 into his account and then had a two-hour interlude with a prostitute name 'Kristen.' Which I think means he has two thousand dollars of credit left over. That'll come in handy -- with all the stress, he's gonna need to blow off some steam.
    • Spitzer held a brief press conference yesterday, where he apologized to his constituents and to his family. He didn't take any questions but retreated to the privacy of his home, where his wife repeatedly kicked him in the testicles.
    • Actually, she stood right next to him in the press conference. That is always amazing to me, how these guys get their wives to stand there and support them. ... I don't know what kind of zombie chow they put in these women's food, but it's mind-boggling. ... I don't want to rub it in to any of you visiting from New York, but here in California, our governor doesn't have to pay for sex. When he wants it, he takes it.
  • Jon Stewart:
    • Obviously, the big story tonight known by anyone with a television or a Google alert set to "prostitute": Eliot Spitzer, the law-and-order governor of New York, caught soliciting sexual favors from a prostitute. Interestingly enough, he was caught on a wiretap, the kind most likely authorized by the law-and-order governor of New York, Eliot Spitzer. Oops.
  • Jay Leno:
    • They found the source of all global warming in America: Eliot Spitzer’s pants…
    • Eliot Spitzer admitted publicly that he was involved in a prostitution ring, which means Hillary Clinton, now, only the second angriest wife in the state of New York.
    • According to the FBI wiretap, they had the transcript, Gov. Spitzer was listed as Client No.9. No. 9? He's the governor, who were the eight guys in front of him? You'd think as governor, you'd at least get to go first.
    • This is the guy who vowed to clean up New York. But to be fair, he did bring prostitution to its knees one girl at a time.
    • The hooker said Spitzer was done in a New York minute
  • David Letterman:
    • The big new scandal breaking here in New York, Eliot Spitzer apparently involved in some kind of prostitution activities -- you know what that means? Hookers. And right now, Spitzer is huddling with his advisers to develop a drinking problem.
    • Do you think it’s too soon to be hitting on Mrs. Eliot Spitzer?
    • Here's what happened, it was one of those sting deals. And they caught Eliot Spitzer, Gov. Spitzer, with a wire, recording him soliciting a prostitute. And I'm thinking, "Holy cow, we can't get Bin Laden, but we got Spitzer. We got Sptizer."
    • Did you happen to see the press conference? Very dramatic. Eliot Spitzer was there. He had yellow crime scene tape draped around his pants – crazy.
    • The thinking now is that the governor may step down now to spend less time with his family.
    • He’s caught now soliciting a hooker, but thank God, on the bright side, it did not involve an airport men’s room.
    • It's Arnold Schwarzenegger. Thanks. I'm no longer America's creepiest governor.
  • Conan O'Brien:
    • ...Governor Spitzer — this is the latest — responded just a few hours ago by saying, ‘I violated my obligations to my family and I violated my sense of right and wrong.’ Yes, Spitzer also admitted violating someone named Amber.
    • Not surprisingly, Clients 1 through 8 were Charlie Sheen.
  • Stephen Colbert:
    • Now, the governor was supposed to give a press conference today at 2:15 p.m. but a whole hour passed before he spoke. To be fair, it is daylight savings time and the governor usually has a prostitute change his clocks.

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