How to Plan a Funeral

Introduction

• Everyone will have to confront the death of a loved one at some point in their lives. The experience is difficult and disconcerting. In the midst of our shock and grief, we must contend with funeral homes, permits, lawyers and clergymen. Because many of the people and places you must deal with following someone's death are out to make a profit, they can easily exploit your emotional vulnerability.

• Fortunately, the Federal Trade Commission and organizations like the AARP have resources in place to help you with both the emotional and pragmatic aftermath of a loved one's death.

What to Do When Somebody Dies

• When someone dies, an "official pronouncement of death" must be made and the body must be cared for until the burial or cremation can take place.

• If the death occurs in a hospital, you may simply need to call a pre-selected funeral home. In many cases, however, we are not so well-prepared. Fortunately, there are several religious and medical organizations that can help you through the first few hours following the death of a loved one.

What to Do When Someone Dies

1. Pronouncement of Death: Call 911 or the coroner's office. A medical professional must be notified to make the official pronouncement of death. If the death occurs at a hospital or in hospice, the attending professional will make this pronouncement.
2. Expected Death: If the death was expected and arrangements have already been made, call the funeral home or crematorium to pick up the body.
3. Unexpected Death: If the death was unexpected, you will need to contact someone to pick up the body after the pronouncement of death has been made. You have a few options when it comes to who to contact next:
   • Funeral Home: When a death is unexpected, you're not going to feel like comparison shopping for funeral services. Just remember that the only decision you will need to make in those first few hours is whether or not you wish the funeral home to embalm the body. If you're not prepared to make that decision, they can pick up the body and hold it while you plan the funeral arrangements more thoroughly.
   • Crematorium: If you know the deceased wished to be cremated, contact a crematorium to pick up the body.
   • Medical Examiner: While most people would prefer not to have their loved one's body stored in the County Morgue for any length of time, calling the Coroner's Office is an option in a time of crisis.
   • Priest, Rabbi or Religious Organization: While a religious organization cannot take the body away for you, it can direct you to the funeral home or crematorium used by members of the congregation. A priest, rabbi or another appropriate spiritual leader can also help you with any last rites required by religious law.
   • Training Hospital or Medical School: If the deceased wished for his or her body to be donated for the benefit of science, it can be picked up by a training hospital or medical school. Be certain that the program is legitimate and connected to a major medical institution.

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Immediately Following the Pronouncement of Death

• If you are the primary mourner of the deceased, you will spend the first few days following your loved one's death making funeral or memorial service arrangements. Before that process can begin, however, you will need to do the following:

1. Look for the Deceased's Instructions: Did the deceased person leave a will or anything stating his or her desires regarding the funeral in writing? You will want to adhere to your loved one's wishes. If nothing was left behind, all major funerary decisions will be made by the primary mourner, typically the deceased's parents, spouse, domestic partner or adult children.
2. Contact Friends and Family: If you are the primary mourner, you may wish to contact just one or two close friends and family members and have those people reach out to others.

Funeral and Memorial Service Options

• There are several different types of rites, services and ceremonies conducted when someone dies. The type of funeral or service held for someone will depend a great deal on the deceased's religious affiliation and cultural background.

1. Funerals: A funeral is the most traditional type of ceremony held when a person dies. A funeral is typically held in a church or funeral home and may include a full mass, prayers, songs and remembrances. The body of the deceased is usually present in either an open or closed casket.
2. Viewing: A viewing gives friends and family members an opportunity to sit with the body of the deceased for several hours. Viewings can take place at a funeral home, the home of the deceased, a church or another public space.
3. Wake: There are several different types of "wakes." In some cultures, a wake is synonymous with a viewing and is typically conducted on the evening before the funeral. In other cultures, a wake is essentially a party held immediately after the funeral and celebrates the life of the deceased.
4. Memorial Service: Unlike a funeral, the body is not present at a memorial service. Memorial ceremonies are usually less formal than funerals and are held after the body has been buried or cremated. A memorial service can take place anywhere—a mortuary, a church, a park, on the beach, at a favorite restaurant, etc.
5. Shiva: Shiva is a Jewish custom, which requires the immediate members of the deceased's family to observe a week-long period of grief and mourning following the burial. The ritual is often referred to as "sitting Shiva." For more information on observing Shiva, consult your Rabbi or the United Jewish Communities Jewish Funeral Customs resources.

How to Choose a Funeral Home

• You are not legally obligated to work with a funeral home or director, but most people find it easier to have a professional help them deal with the logistics surrounding a death.

• A funeral director will walk you through the entire funeral procedure. Funeral directors can help procure copies of the deceased's death certificate, write an obituary, help you follow any religious observances, contact social security, make arrangements with a crematorium, etc. The funeral home, itself, is where the body is prepared and is often times the site of the actual funeral service.

• Unless you've made arrangements beforehand, you will probably be forced to choose a funeral home quickly and under great emotional duress. Hopefully, you will be able to get a recommendation from a trusted friend or clergy member. Whether you are working with a recommended mortuary or not, it's crucial that you understand your rights when entering into a relationship with a funeral home.

The Funeral Rule

• The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) is the nation's consumer protection agency and enforcer of the Funeral Rule. The Funeral Rule allows consumers to compare prices between funeral homes and select which of the home's services you wish to use without being pressured into buying a "package" of any kind.

• The Funeral Rule entitles you to the following:

1. Buy Only the Funeral Arrangements You Want: You do not have to purchase a "package" of goods and services from a funeral home. You can purchase funeral goods, such as a casket, from an outside vendor, and the funeral home has to use it. You can pay for a memorial service and direct burial, but not embalming. It's up to you.
2. Get Prices on the Phone: Funeral directors must give you pricing information on the phone if you ask for it. This makes comparing prices between multiple providers much easier. The mortuary cannot demand your name, address or phone number before giving you the prices.
3. Get a Written, Itemized Price List: If asked, funeral homes must give you a General Price List, an itemized list of all the services and merchandise sold by the home with their associated costs. If a service you have to pay for is required by law, the funeral home must give you a written explanation of the law or crematory requirements before charging you.
4. Get a Written Casket Price List Before Seeing the Caskets: Caskets are expensive, and less scrupulous funeral homes will pressure you into buying the most elaborate one. They often won't display cheaper caskets on the sales floor. This is why you should ask to see a price list before looking at the display.
5. Receive a Written Statement Before You Pay: Once you've decided on the goods and services you'll be utilizing, the funeral home must provide you with a list of the items you've chosen and the total cost of the arrangements.
6. Use an Alternative Container for Cremation: According to the FTC, no state or local law requires you to use a casket for cremation. Funeral homes and crematoriums must provide alternative containers made of pressed wood, fiberboard or cardboard for the cremation process. They also cannot require you to buy an urn from them. You can bring in your own container for the remains.
7. Make Funeral Arrangements Without Embalming: According to the FTC, no state law requires embalming. Some states do require that a body be embalmed or refrigerated if it is not buried or cremated in a certain amount of time. Refrigeration is a cheaper and acceptable alternative to embalming if you are having a closed casket funeral.

Criteria for Choosing a Funeral Home

• Whether you're choosing a funeral home well in advance of someone passing or are forced to find a mortuary on the spot, you'll want to take the following into consideration:

1. Convenience: While you shouldn't choose a funeral home on the basis of convenience alone, location may be a factor for you and your family.
2. Previous Experiences and Relationships: Obviously, if you know a funeral provider or a funeral provider is recommended by your friends, family or a clergy member close to the deceased, you should consider their services.
3. Price: Funeral and burial costs can easily reach close to $10,000. Cost is a consideration, but, thanks to the Funeral Rule, morturaries must give you itemized prices for their services over the phone.

Funeral Costs

• Funeral costs are divided into three basic categories:

1. Basic Service Fees for the Funeral Director: There is a basic servie fee which funeral homes are allowed to charge and you cannot decline to pay. This fee includes the cost of securing copies of the deceased's death certificate, preparing death notices, sheltering the remains and coordinating with any third parties like cemetaries or crematories.
2. Services and Merchandise: These are optional funeral-related costs and include things like caskets, embalming, transporting the remains or using the funeral home for a memorial service or viewing, use of a hearse, etc.
3. Cash Advances: These fees are charged by the funeral home for goods and services bought from outside vendors on your behalf. These include things like flowers, obituary notices and an honorarium for the officiating clergy. If the funeral home cannot provide you with an exact cost for these services upfront, they must provide you with a "good faith" estimate.

• The FTC provides a printable checklist to have with you when you call funeral homes to ask for prices. They recommend that you take the following items and services into consideration:

• Disposition of Remains Costs:
  • Immediate Burial
  • Immediate Cremation
  • Donation of Body to Medical School or Hospital
• Traditional Full Service Burial or Cremation Costs:
  • Basic Services Fee
  • Pickup of Body
  • Embalming
  • Other Body Preparation Costs
  • Least Expensive Casket
  • Visitation/Viewing Staff and Facilities
  • Funeral or Memorial Service Staff and Facilities
  • Graveside Service Staff and Equipment
  • Hearse
• Other Services:
  • Forwarding Body to Another Funeral Home
  • Receiving Body to Another Funeral Home
• Cemetery-Related Costs:
  • Cost of Cemetery Plot or Crypt
  • Perpetual Care
  • Opening and Closing of Grave or Crypt
  • Grave Liner or Burial Vault (Required by cemeteries to prevent the ground from sinking after the burial.)
  • Marker or Monument

Funeral Consumers Alliance and Memorial Societies

• One way to save money on funeral costs is to join one of the 110 memorial societies affiliated with the nonprofit Funeral Consumers Alliance. These societies act as co-ops which arrange affordable funerals with local mortuaries.

Burials

• A burial is the most expensive way to inter a person's remains due primarily to the cost of the casket and cemetery plot. Burials, however, are an important part of certain religious and cultural traditions.

Types of Burials

• There are several different types of burials for the family of the deceased to consider while making funeral arrangements:

• Direct Burials
• The body is buried shortly after death in a simple container. There is no viewing or visitation and embalming is not necesary. A memorial service might be held at the graveside or elsewhere any time following the burial. A direct burial is the least expensive type of burial.

• Traditional Burials
• Traditional burials typically include a viewing or visitation at the funeral home followed by a full funeral service and the transportation of the remains by hearse to the cemetery for the burial.

• Green Burials
• A "green burial" is a burial that ensures the burial site remain as natural as possible. The body is interred in a biodegradable casket or shroud, and no embalming fluid is used. For more information on green burials, contact the Green Burial Council.

• Veteran Burials
• Veterans are entitled to a free burial in a national cemetery and a grave marker. The spouses and dependent children of veterans are also entitled to a lot and marker when buried in a national cemetery. A funeral home can help you make arrangements for veterans, or you can contact the Department of Veterans Affairs independently. To find your region's Veterans Affairs office, call 1.800.827.1000.

• Watch out for commercial cemeteries advertising "Veteran's Specials." They may offer plots for free, but will charge exorbitantly for adjoining plots and the opening and closing of the grave.

• Jewish Burials
• Jewish law doesn't permit cremation or embalming. Bodies must be buried as soon as possible following death, preferably within the first 24 hours. The body cannot be left alone prior to burial and must be buried in a casket made entirely of wood so as not to interfere with the body's "return to the earth." Consult a Rabbi for guidance.

Embalming

• Embalming is a process which temporarily prevents the body from decomposing after death thereby preserving it for a viewing or open casket funeral. Embalming is done primarily by arterial injection and is required by most funeral homes if you are planning on having a wake or visitation.

• However, embalming is not necessary or legally required. Forgoing embalming in favor of a direct burial, cremation or a closed casket funeral can save you hundreds of dollars. Embalming cannot be provided without your permission, and the cost of embalming must be provided to you in writing.

Caskets

• A casket is the most expensive item you'll buy for a traditional burial and full-service funeral. Caskets range in price from roughly $2,000 - $10,000.

• Thanks to the Funeral Rule, the mortuary is required to show you a full price list of the caskets sold by the home before you see the actual caskets. It's important that you look at this list. According to the FTC, most people buy one of the first three caskets they look at so it's in the funeral home's best interest to show you the higher priced models first. Some mortuaries won't even put the cheapest options on the salesfloor.

• If you find a casket online or at another establishment that you'd prefer using, the funeral home that you've made the rest of your arrangements with is required to use it.

• In addition to the casket, you will be required to buy some kind of burial vault or grave liner. This is a cover which fits over the tops and sides of the casket to prevent the ground around the casket from settling following the burial. The mortuary must provide a separate list of costs associated with the grave liner as well as the casket.

Cremations

• Cremation is the process of incinerating the body, reducing it to ash and small bone fragments. The remains are then placed in an urn or alternative container and can be interred in a columbarium or scattered.

1. Direct Cremation: A direct cremation is one in which the body is promptly cremated without a funeral service or viewing. The cost of such a cremation typically includes the transport of the body, the actual cremation and a container for the ashes. It is the most economical way to dispose of the body. (For-profit groups like The Neptune Society provide only direct cremation services.)
2. Caskets: You do not have to purchase an elaborate casket for a cremation. You are, however, required to purchase a cremation container for the body. These are available from the funeral home or casket store.
3. Viewings: If you'd like to have a viewing before the cremation or a funeral with the body present, ask the funeral home if you can rent a casket for this purpose.
4. Memorial Services: You can have a funeral or memorial service following the cremation with the urn present to represent the deceased.
5. Being Present at the Cremation: If it is required by your religion or you simply wish to be present, most crematoriums will allow you to help in the incineration process. There may be an additional cost associated with this.
6. Urn: You do not have to purchase an urn from the crematorium or funeral home. They will give you the ashes in a durable, temporary container.
7. Cremation Permit: A permit is required from the vital records office of your local health department for a cremation to take place. The funeral home or crematorium will help you secure this permit.

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Cremated Remains

• Once the body has been incinerated, you have several alternatives for preserving or disposing of the cremated remains.

1. Storing in an Urn: Cremated remains can be stored in a decorative urn or alternative container. Urns do not have to be purchased from a funeral home or crematorium.
2. Interring in a Columbarium: A columbarium is an above ground structure in a cemetery intended for the internment of ashes and cremated remains. There are different types of columbariums. Some have glass fronts that allow you to see the urn. Others seal the ashes in a marble niche. If you purchase a columbarium niche, you can expect to pay for the cost of the space, opening and closing fees and an epitaph.
3. Scattering Ashes: As long as you have permission from the owner of the property or, in the case of a National Park, a permit, you can theoretically scatter your loved one's ashes wherever you wish. It's important to remember that you should pour the ashes rather than throw them into the air.
4. LifeGems: The company LifeGem will use the carbon from the cremated remains to create a "memorial diamond" that you can wear as jewelry.
5. Shooting into Space: There is an industry dedicated to sending cremated remains into space via a rocket. The cost is dependent upon how far into space you want the ashes to be shot.

How to Choose a Cemetery

• If you are planning a burial or wish to inter cremated remains, you will need to secure a cemetery plot. Unfortunately, cemeteries are not governed by the FTC's Funeral Rule so there are some additional financial considerations you should be aware of as you search for a final resting place for your loved one.

Types of Cemeteries

• There are generally speaking four types of cemeteries:

1. District Cemeteries: Cemeteries owned by the City or County.
2. Religious Cemeteries: Cemeteries owned by a Religious Organization.
3. Private Cemeteries: Commercial cemeteries not owned by the local government.
4. Veterans Cemeteries: Cemeteries which accommodate the burial of veterans and their families. For more information on Veterans Cemeteries, consult the Department of Veterans Affairs website.

Types of Cemetery Plots

• The different types of cemetery plots you might consider include:

1. In Ground Burial Plots: The traditional, in ground grave.
2. Lawn Crypts: Sometimes referred to as "in-ground mausoleums," crypts are essentially underground tombs reinforced by concrete and steel.
3. Columbarium Niche: A space used for the interment of cremated remains.
4. Mausoleum: An above-ground, free standing structure used for the interment of human remains.

What to Consider When Choosing a Cemetery

• There are several different factors you'll want to consider when choosing a cemetery:

1. Location: Do you want to visit the cemetery often? Would the deceased want to be buried there?
2. Religion: Does the cemetery meet your religion's requirements?
3. Military Service: If the deceased is a Veteran, he or she is entitled to a free burial and grave marker in a national cemetery.
4. Cost: Cemeteries can be expensive, particularly in major, metropolitan areas. Be sure that you understand all the costs associated with the burial or interment before purchasing a plot.
5. Aesthetics: Do you like the feel of the place? Would it make a good resting place for your loved one?

Cemetery Costs

• Because cemeteries are not bound by the Funeral Rule, you need to be sure that you understand all the costs associated with a burial or interment:

1. Space: The actual burial site, crypt, mausoleum or columbarium.
2. Grave Liner or Burial Vault: A liner placed around the casket which prevents the ground from settling after the burial. Not required by law, but required by most cemeteries.
3. Opening and Closing Costs: This isn't just the cost of literally opening and closing the grave. This cost includes all the services related to the burial or interment including permanent record keeping, securing a burial permit, maintaining all legal files, installation and removal of the lowering device, etc.
4. Perpetual Care: The maintenance of the grave over time. This cost is usually included in the purchase price, but ask for clarification. If the cost is not included, you will have to pay a separate endowment care fee.
5. Headstone: A marker or monument placed at the grave site usually engraved with an epitaph. You do not have to use a headstone. If you do, keep in mind that cemeteries do place some restrictions on their size and shape.

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How to Plan a Memorial Service

• Once arrangements have been made for the disposition of the body, you will need to plan the content of the actual funeral or memorial service. You can be as involved with the preparation of the service as you wish. Funerals are typically more formal and dictated by religious rites. Memorial services are more personalized and open-ended. The funeral home you are working with can provide the space, flowers and officiant if you wish. Or, you can take matters into your own hands.

• Regardless of which route you choose, you will need to to do the following:

1. Select a Date and Location: Typically the date of a viewing or funeral is set in accordance with religious law or the availability of the funeral home, church or synagogue. However, memorial services can be held at any time in just about any location. Take the availability of close family members and friends into consideration when setting a date.
2. Find an Officiant: If the deceased was a member of a religious congregation, you may already know who the service's officiant will be. If you don't know where to start, a funeral director can help you find a celebrant. Keep in mind some religious leaders may not "charge" for their services, but an unofficial honorarium of anywhere from $100-$250 is typically expected.
3. Set Up a Memorial Fund: A memorial fund can be set up in the name of the deceased in order to accept donations from mourners for the deceased's favorite charity or the deceased's family.
4. Place an Obituary and Invite Guests: If you are working with a funeral director, he or she will help you place an obituary stating the time of the viewing, funeral or memorial service. If you are not, you should plan on placing an obituary yourself. Guests should otherwise be notified of the service by a phone call or email. It's a good idea to appoint a couple of people other than yourself to contact the deceased's friends and family members. People belong to so many fragmented social circles that you'll need all the help you can get to reach everyone affected by your loved one's death.
5. Select Pallbearers: While a funeral home can provide pallbearer services, you may want to appoint six family members or friends to act as pallbearers. Pallbearers carry the casket to and from the hearse and site of the service or burial.
6. Ask Someone to Give a Eulogy: A eulogy is an oral remembrance of the deceased delivered by a friend or family member. You may want to ask more than one person to deliver a eulogy. Eulogies are typically kept to 3-5 minutes in length. You may also choose to include an "open mic" portion in the service during which any of the attendees can come up and deliver a remembrance.
7. Ask Family Members and Friends to Participate in the Service: You will need friends and family members to participate in other parts of the service as readers, musicians or ushers.
8. Create Printed Programs: The funeral home or the location's funeral coordinator will typically help you plan and create a printed funeral program, but you will want to have some kind of memorial card or program for the service's attendees.
9. Choose the Music and Readings: Funeral and memorial services typically consist of several readings and songs that reflect the life of the deceased and the occasion. You can use live musicians or a recording, and you can choose popular funeral poems like W.H. Auden's Funeral Blues or something more personal.
10. Choose Flowers: If you are working with a funeral home, they can help you identify vendors and choose floral arrangements. Otherwise, you can work with a local florist. Flowers are not a necessary part of the service.
11. Select Food and Refreshments: If you plan on having a reception following the service or a full-blown wake, you will need to put someone in charge of finding a location for the gathering and selecting refreshments.
12. Create a Memorial Display: Some mourners like to set up some kind of memorial display both to commemorate the deceased and give service attendees a means of participating in the service. A memorial display might include photographs and items that symbolize the deceased's hobbies and accomplishments. The display might also include cards that guests can write memories of the deceased on for the family.

How to Write an Obituary

• If you are working with a funeral home, they will help you create and file an obituary with your local newspaper. If you need to take on the task yourself, you will first need to contact the paper to ask about deadlines and cost. (Some newspapers charge by the line for obituaries, but don't charge for short "death notices.")

• You might also consider filing obituaries in the cities where the deceased was born, went to school or lived for any length of time. Obituaries should be filed a few days before the funeral or memorial service and should contain the following:

1. Deceased's Full Name: Be sure the newspaper or funeral home spells the name of the deceased correctly.
2. Date and Place of Death: The cause of death is not typically included.
3. Short Biography: This typically includes the person's date and place of birth, schools attended, degrees achieved, vocation and hobbies. It can be written as a perfunctory, chronological list or as a more prose-like tribute.
4. Names of Survivors: This typically includes the deceased's parents, children, spouse or domestic partner. Some people even include the name of a beloved pet.
5. Service Announcement: When and where the funeral, memorial service, viewing or wake will take place.
6. Memorial Contributions: Where people can make donations in remembrance of the deceased or send flowers.

How to Write a Eulogy

• A eulogy is a short speech given at a memorial service or funeral that pays tribute to the person who has passed away. It is, in the words of Esquire's Tom Chiarella, "the last word in the attempt to define the outlines of a life." While there is plenty of conventional advice available on preparing and delivering a eulogy, Chiarella's 2006 essay on the subject, "How to Give a Eulogy", is probably the best, and most of the following advice is drawn from that article:

1. Remember that It's an Honor: Being asked to give a eulogy is a gift. Never forget that. From Chiarella, "You were selected. You get to stand, face the group, the family, the world, and add it up. You're being asked to do something at the very moment when nothing can be done."
2. Remember that It's Not About You: A eulogy is not a vehicle for showing off your writing prowess or discussing your feelings. It is an opportunity to commemorate the person who has passed and invite everyone assembled to share in those memories.
3. Stick to the Allotted Time: Eulogies are typically 3-5 minutes in length. Stick to the time you've been allotted. A eulogy is just one part of the proceedings.
4. Find the Truth: Chiarella writes that a eulogy is above all else, "the simple and elegant search for small truths. They don't have to be truths that everyone agrees on, just ones they will recognize. This can be surprisingly hard, to take notice of the smallest, most unpolished details of a life and set them up for us to stare at in the wonder of recognition." Take the time to reflect on the person—did he love a cigar, was she good at keeping secrets, were her hands always cold, was he partial to corduroy jackets that smelled of smoke and old books, etc.
5. Remember the Rings of Loyalty: This is a concept of Chiarella's. In his words, there are "concentric rings of loyalty." "The people in the nearest ring, those in the front row, are owed the most. You should speak first to them. And then, in the next measure, to the room itself, which is the next ring, and only then to the physical world outside, the neighborhood, the town, the place, and then, just maybe, to the machinations of life-muffling institutions."
6. Write It Down: Do not speak off the cuff at a funeral. You owe it to the person who has passed to remember them with purpose and consideration.
7. Practice: You practice because it will be that much harder at the funeral not to cry, which you may, and when you do, you'll be able to continue because you've practiced.
8. Don't Use Quote Books or Poetry Unless You Knew It Before You Were Asked to Give a Eulogy: This advice comes from Chiarella, who also advises that you refrain from singing or doing imitations.
9. Make Them Laugh: Chiarella writes that, "Laughs are a pivot point in a funeral. They are your responsibility. The best laughs come by forcing people not to idealize the dead. In order to do this, you have to be willing to tell a story, at the closing of which you draw conclusions that no one expects." You create laughter not by inserting jokes, but by sharing the recognizable truth of someone's life—their imperfections and frailties.

John Cleese's Eulogy for Graham Chapman

What to Do After the Funeral

• Once the funeral is over, there are still many pragmatic details to deal with along with the process of grieving. Organizations like the AARP provide many resources to help you through the days and months following the funeral, and the Colorado Bar Association maintains a substantial list of organizations you need to contact following someone's death. Some of the things you'll need to attend to immediately include:

1. Obtain Death Certificates: You need to attain several copies of your loved one's death certificate. The funeral director will typically help you with this. There is a price associated with obtaining the first one; subsequent copies are less expensive. If you need additional copies at a later date, you can contact your county's Vital Records Office. These certificates are necessary to legally establish your loved one's death and obtain benefits from governmental and financial institutions.
2. Locate Important Papers and Certificates: These may include banking-related documents, investment statements, insurance policies, tax forms and the deceased's social security card.
3. Notify Insurance Companies in Writing: Each company will need a statement of claim and a death certificate before the surviving spouse can receive any benefits.
4. Contact the Social Security Office: If your spouse has passed away, you may be eligible for benefits.
5. Notify the Deceased's Employer and Creditors: Write a letter to your loved one's employer and creditors.
6. Consult a Lawyer: Discuss fees before you actually solicit a lawyer's help, but understanding the legal ramifications of your loved one's death is that much easier with professional help.

How to Pre-Plan Your Funeral

• Pre-planning your own funeral or, at the very least, putting your wishes in writing will save your loved ones untold stress and hardship following your passing. The kinds of details you should consider putting in writing include the following:

1. Type of Service and Location: Do you want to be buried in your church's cemetery? Do you want to be cremated and shot out of a cannon? Consider what should happen to your body following your death.
2. Who Should Be Invited: Would you prefer a small, private ceremony or a public gathering?
3. Who Should Facilitate and Speak at Your Funeral or Memorial Service: Do you have an officiant in mind? Is there a friend or family member you'd like to deliver your eulogy?
4. Clothing or Jewelry You'd Like to Be Buried In: If you want to buried, are there any items you'd like to be buried with? A favorite photo of your children? Buried in your military uniform?
5. Special Music or Readings: Do you want a certain song played or poem read at your memorial service?
6. Memorial Fund: In lieu of flowers, would you like mourners to donate funds to a favorite charity?
7. Your Obituary: Select a photograph you'd like included with your obituary, and record your full name, date and place of birth and details about your education and employment.
8. Memorial Video: Memorial videos or letters allow you to pass on a message to loved ones after you've passed away.

Should You Pay for Services Upfront?

• While you can pay for funeral arrangements in advance, MSN Money warns that consumers are not well-protected in these scenarios. Instead, they recommend you consider a Totten trust. A Totten trust is an account, which can be opened at any bank and is payable to a designated survivor upon the death of the account holder.

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Resources for How to Plan a Funeral

• Federal Trade Commission: Funerals: A Consumer Guide
• Federal Trade Commission: Paying Final Respects: Your Rights When Buying Funeral Goods & Services
• International Cemetery and Funeral Association: Consumer Resource Guide
• AARP: Funeral Arrangements and Memorial Services - Final Details: A Checklist
• VideoJug: Funeral Planning Videos
• MSN Money: How to Plan an $800 Funeral
• MSN Money: Steps You Must Take When Someone Dies
• Colorado Bar Association: What to Do When Someone Dies
• NOLO: Planning Your Funeral or Memorial Services
• Green Burial Council: Frequently Asked Questions
• The Neptune Society: Frequently Asked Questions

Jewish Funeral Customs Resources

• The Jewish Funeral Directors of America
• United Jewish Communities: Saying Goodbye to a Loved One: Jewish Funeral Customs
• The United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism: Guide to Jewish Funeral Practice
• Aish.com: The Stages of Jewish Mourning
• eHow.com: How to Prepare for Sitting Shiva - How to Pay a Shiva Call

Eulogy Resources

• Esquire: How to Give a Eulogy  
• EulogySpeech.net: Eulogy Speech Examples and Writing Guide
• About.com: How to Write a Eulogy  
• About.com: Eulogies, Elegies & Speeches of Remembrance  
• YouTube: Graham Chapman's Funeral (Time: 4:19)

Obituary Resources

• eHow.com: How to Write an Obituary
• wikiHow: How to Write an Obituary
• How To Do Things.com: How to Write an Obituary

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