How to Plan a Bat Mitzvah

• by Christina Taylor

Introduction

• A Bat Mitzvah is the celebration of a young woman as she becomes an adult within the Jewish community. The term "bat mitzvah" may refer to the religious rites of becoming an adult, the young woman herself or the party that follows the service.

Historical Context

• The Bat Mitzvah ceremony and celebration is a relatively new tradition in the Jewish faith. The first public celebration of a young girl coming of age was in 1922.

• Jewish law states a girl becomes a Bat Mitzvah automatically at the age of twelve; there is no rite of passage or celebration needed. However, many girls do celebrate their Bat Mitzvahs with ceremonies and celebrations and choose to wait until their thirteenth birthday to do so. In most Reform, Reconstructurist and Conservative synagogues, girls perform rites to mark their Bat Mitzvahs the same as boys do for their Bar Mitzvahs.

• Orthodox Judaism typically marks a Bat Mitzvah quietly, within the family. Orthodox girls are not permitted to publicly read from the Torah. Some Orthodox girls may read from the Torah among women, and may do so to mark a Bat Mitzvah.

• When a girl becomes Bat Mitzvah, she is an adult within the Jewish community; as such, she is obligated to follow God's 613 commandments (or laws of the Torah).

• Today, lavish celebrations are the norm for a Bat Mitzvah. These parties can range from intimate dinner parties to huge banquets. Many young ladies plan an elaborate theme for their Bat Mitzvah. See Step Three for more information about these parties.

Step 1: Prepare for the Religious Rites

• Because a Bat Mitzvah may include recitations of blessings, Torah readings and sometimes even a speech, it is important to be prepared for the service.

1. Hebrew school lays a foundation in the Jewish faith and the Hebrew language long before specialized Bat Mitzvah training begins.
   • Many girls begin Hebrew or Sunday school several years before their twelfth birthday.
2. Typically, specialized Bat Mitzvah lessons begin one year before the twelfth or thirteenth birthday.
3. Depending on your synagogue, a typical Bat Mitzvah ceremony may include:
   • Aliyah
   • D'var Torah
   • Haftarah
   • Individual speech
   • The honoree leading a portion of the service

Step 2: Set a Date

• As with any large event, setting the date is a crucial first step. Additionally, setting a date for a Bat Mitzvah includes many stipulations that one may not encounter with another large event.

1. The religious portion of the Bat Mitzvah must be held on a day with a synagogue service that includes a Torah reading. These days include:
   • Sabbath
   • Monday morning
   • Thursday morning
   • Shabbat afternoon
   • Rosh Chodesh morning service
2. The date must be on or after the twelfth birthday.
   • The honoree may choose to celebrate her Bat Mitzvah any time after she is twelve years old. When Bat Mitzvahs became a popular choice for young ladies, many older Jewish women celebrated theirs too.
3. If it is more convenient to do so, the reception may be held on a day other than the religious service.
   • The reception may be scheduled around the availability of rentals, family and friends who may need to travel to attend the event.

Step 3: Determine the Type of Celebration

• The reception after the Bat Mitzvah service is a time for family and friends (both Jewish and non-Jewish) to come together and celebrate the honoree's milestone.

• First, you must determine the scope of the reception. Bat Mitzvah receptions can range in size from large banquets to intimate dinner parties. Take a look at how much you would like to spend on the event, and how many people you plan to invite. Reasonably, if your budget and guest list are on the smaller side, a nice dinner at a restaurant may be your best choice. However, if both your guest list and your budget are on the big side, a large banquet is a popular choice.

Step 4: Choose the Venue

• The venue is one of the biggest decisions you will make as you plan the reception.

Large Banquet

1. Renting a big facility requires lots of lead time. You should begin thinking about and looking for a space about a year in advance of your event.
   • Local recreation centers or wedding halls are great resources when looking for a venue for your party. These places can also offer food, or put you in contact with a reputable caterer.
2. Prospective venues must be able to comfortably seat the amount of people on your guest list.
   • If you don't have a set guest list yet, don't worry. If you settle on a large area, but you find your guest list dwindling, you can fill empty space with cocktail tables or enlarge the dance floor.
3. Choose a venue that is conducive to the honoree's theme.
   • For example, if the theme is "shopping," a venue in or near a mall or large shopping area will be both appropriate and clever.
4. Decide on whether you want an outside catering company or if you want your venue to provide this service.
   • Having a venue with in-house catering is a huge time and energy saver!
5. A prospective venue will need the equipment necessary to provide the services you desire.
   • If you want to showcase a PowerPoint presentation of your daughter throughout the years, the venue will have to have audio-visual capabilities. This same reasoning follows for a DJ.
6. Reserve the venue.
   • After you've made your decision, you will likely have to place a deposit on the venue to hold your date.

Intimate Dinner Party

1. Develop a rough estimate of the number of guests attending the dinner.
   • Determining a head count is much more important for an intimate dinner party than a large banquet because last-minute additions or subtractions are much harder to accommodate on a small scale.
2. Based on the rough head count, determine whether you will hold your dinner at a restaurant, in your home or in a friend or family member's home.

Step 5: Prepare for the Celebration

• Once the venue is booked, you can settle on entertainment, decor and the reception's menu.

Large Banquet

1. Decide on entertainment.
   1. You should book your entertainment about six months in advance.
   2. DJs are a popular choice of entertainment.
   3. You can also plan simple games for the guests. Develop trivia questions on common Jewish knowledge, and have each table play as a team. Don't forget prizes for the winners!
      • Trivia games rooted in the event's theme are also a lot of fun. Have the honoree develop questions based on her theme. After all, the theme is based on her personality!
   4. Remember, the honoree is celebrating becoming an adult, so games geared towards children (like Pin-the-Tail-On-the-Donkey or Musical Chairs) may not be appropriate.
2. Hire a catering company.
   1. You should hire your catering company about six months in advance.
   2. If your chosen venue does not include catering, ask the manager of the facility for recommendations. Hiring a caterer familiar with your venue will help make the event run smoothly.
   3. See Mahalo's How to Choose a Caterer for more help.
3. Prepare decorations for the venue.
   1. Popular color choices for Bat Mitzvahs are blue and white, but don't feel obliged to keep with tradition!
      • Choose appropriate colors based on the theme, but more than three or four colors may look busy. Two primary colors and one or two accent colors is a great palette.
      • Get color ideas from your local home improvement store! Pick up some free paint chips to help visualize how your color choices will work together.
   2. Keep the decor simple. Plain white tablecloths (paper is cost-effective and easy to dispose of) with a simple, but colorful, centerpiece will suffice for the individual tables.
   3. Place cards are a helpful tool as well as a nice decorative touch. The place cards tell each guest where to sit. The place cards can also match your decorative theme.
   4. A card box will help keep all the cards brought by guests in one place, and it can be decorated however you like.
      

      (Creative Commons photo by Andrew Ratto)

Intimate Dinner Party

1. Develop the entertainment.
   1. Trivia games are a popular choice at intimate parties. The trivia can be about the Jewish faith, the honoree's favorite hobbies, or pop culture in general. Don't forget prizes for the winner!
   2. Another way for your guests to interact is the advice game. Give each guest a piece of paper and a pen. Have them write down the best advice they have ever been given about being an adult. Then have everyone share with the honoree.
      • A variation of this game has everyone write down their advice on index cards. The cards are then mixed together and given to the honoree. The honoree reads each card aloud and tries to guess which guest's advice she is reading.
2. Decide on a menu.
   1. If you are holding your event at a restaurant, this job is already done for you!
   2. If you are holding your dinner at a private home, decide on what dishes you would like to serve. You should also organize and get copies of your recipes if you plan on having help in the kitchen. See How to Throw a Dinner Party for more help.
      • About.com has traditional Jewish menus and recipes.
3. Prepare decorations for the venue.
   1. An extravagant theme may not be appropriate for an intimate dinner party. Consider simpler themes like a garden party (plants are common and easy to obtain), or simply just decorate with the honoree's favorite colors.
   2. If your dinner is being held at a restaurant, check with the management to find out if outside decorations are acceptable.
   3. A simple, white tablecloth with a colorful centerpiece is a lovely way to decorate a table.
   4. Place cards for each guest's seat at the table are also a nice, thoughtful touch.

Step 6: Send Invitations

• You should mail out the invitations two to three months before the event.

1. To keep track of RSVPs, discreetly write numbers that correspond to your guest list on the back of the RSVP cards. (For example, if Naomi Friedman is number 5 on your guest list, mail her the RSVP card also numbered 5.) This way you'll never be left wondering who has returned an RSVP card and who has not.
2. Your invitations should match the tone of the event. If you are hosting a more formal event, make sure you send formal invitations. Likewise, if your event is casual, opt for a casual-looking invitation. This will help your guests know what expect from the reception.
3. The invitations are the guests' first glimpse of the theme of the event. Get creative!

Step 7: The Day Before the Bat Mitzvah

• The day before the reception:

1. Confirm your reservations if you are having dinner at a restaurant.
2. Confirm delivery time and staffing with the catering company.
3. Confirm the arrival time of the entertainment.
4. Decorate the venue.
5. Confirm any hair or make-up appointments, if necessary.

• Like a wedding, there will be a rehearsal the night before the big event so the honoree will know where to stand and when to proceed within the context of the service.

Step 8: The Day of the Bat Mitzvah

• When the day of the event you've been anticipating since the birth of the honoree finally rolls around, there's still plenty to do!

1. Coordinate with the venue.
   • If possible, the person who orchestrated the event should be present at the venue to coordinate arrivals and deliveries. If not, a trusted friend or family member should be appointed to oversee venue set-up.
2. Primp the honoree.
   • For such an important occasion, the honoree will want to look her best. Help her get dressed and apply appropriate amounts of make-up. It's important for a young girl to feel beautiful on the most important day of her life (thus far)!
3. Calm the honoree's nerves.
   • It's completely normal for the honoree to be a bit nervous. For many girls, this is their first major public speaking event. In addition to remembering the prayers and speeches they have to give, they have the added pressure of knowing their friends and family are watching. To keep calm, have the honoree:
   1. Review the readings, blessings and speeches. Concentrating on the words will help keep her mind off of the other pressures of the event.
   2. Practice deep-breathing exercises to keep the heart regulated. A fast-beating heart can compound nervousness.
   3. Remind the honoree that you are very proud of her, and show your confidence in a supportive manner.

Step 9: Manage the Reception

• If all has gone according to plan, you should have nothing to do but relax and enjoy the celebration. However, this is not typically the case.

1. Supervise the outside vendors. If they damage something, the cost may be your responsibility.
2. Chaperone the children and teens.
3. Greet the guests as they arrive, and place the gifts in a central area.
4. Make sure that the honoree says "hello" and "thank you" to all her guests.

Conclusion

• Mazel tov! The honoree is officially an adult! Now it's time to enjoy the party you've so painstakingly arranged. So get out there on the dance floor and shake a leg!

Resources for How to Plan a Bat Mitzvah

• Wikipedia: Judaism - Rosh Chodesh - Sephardi Jews - Aliyah
• Jewish Encyclopedia: Talmud - Minyan
• Love to Know: Wedding Rehearsal Dinner - Ideas for Wedding Card Boxes
• Judaism 101: Bar Mitzvah, Bat Mitzvah and Confirmation - Jewish Liturgy - Torah Readings
• About.com: Ask the Reform Rabbi – Jewish Cuisine – Bat Mitzvah  
• MileChai.com: 613 Laws of the Torah
• MyJewishLearning.com: Planning the Bar/Bat Mitvah - Do's and Don'ts of Giving a D'var Torah
• Religion Facts: Shabbat
• United Jewish Communities: Hebrew Schools May Finally Get Some Respect
• Omniglot: Hebrew language, alphabet and pronunciation
• Jewish Legends: Jewish Urban Legends, Facts and Trivia
• B'nai Mitzvah Guide: Place Card Ideas
• Presentation Helper: Presentation Nerves
• Jewish Virtual Library: Jewish Liturgy

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