How to Choose a Wedding Officiant

• By Courtney

Introduction

• After months of careful planning, you want your wedding day to be smooth sailing. In fact, the only thing you should have to think about is showing up. Choose an officiant who you can trust to set the right tone for your wedding ceremony and to reflect the character of the union that you're entering into. How to Choose a Wedding Officiant tells you how to find the best officiant to conduct your wedding ceremony.

• The steps for choosing a wedding officiant sometimes differ for secular and religious weddings. When appropriate, the information is separated.

Step 1: Decide on Wedding Ideals and Preferences

Decide what's most important, even if it's just a fabulous location, before choosing an officiant. (Creative Commons photo by Bradley P Johnson)

• Shared ideals play a key role in bringing two people together at the altar. Your wedding ceremony should express what's most important to you. Decide what kind of ceremony you want to have, and you'll be well on your way to finding the right officiant.

1. Decide what type of wedding ceremony you want to have:
   • Religious: If you and your partner share a common religious background or want to raise your children in a particular faith, this is probably the best choice for you.
   • Secular: If you're not particularly religious and you want to incorporate a lot of personal elements into your wedding ceremony, a secular ceremony will work best for you.
   • Interfaith: If you and your betrothed come from different religious backgrounds, incorporate both into your ceremony, but make sure that your faith permits it. You might be able to find a nondenominational minister who can incorporate elements of both religions into the ceremony, or you might want to start searching for two officiants!
2. Think about whether or not you want to include personal vows, songs or readings in your ceremony.
3. Decide where you want to hold your ceremony. Location can help you define your choices.
   • If you have a beautiful church in mind, you will probably choose a minister from among its staff of clergy.
   • If you have an outdoor or secular venue in mind, be sure to find a clergyman who will conduct a wedding ceremony outside of a church.

Step 2: Find Officiants

Whether it's holding an umbrella or echoing your values, the right officiant should be able to meet your needs. (Creative Commons photo by Jenny Bauman)

• Use the resources at your disposal to find officiants in your area.

1. Search online directories for local wedding officiants:
   • PartyPop.com: Directory of Officiants.
   • Onewed: Vendor Search Tool
   • The Knot: Local Wedding Resources
     • Look for the purple box in the middle of the page that reads, "in your area."
2. For secular ceremonies ask your county clerk for a list of state credentialed Justices of the Peace. Call the officiants on the list, starting with those that live closest to you.
3. For religious ceremonies, choose the priest, rabbi or minister from your place of worship. If you don't regularly attend religious services, search for churches or synagogues in your area. Each will have a clergy person who performs wedding ceremonies.
4. Before you hire an officiant, make sure that he is licensed to perform legal weddings in your state and that he can show proof to this fact.
   • Contrary to what facts of life you might have picked up from watching reruns of The Love Boat, a cruise ship captain can't marry you unless he is a legal officiant.
5. Another option is to ask a friend or family member to officiate:
   1. The Universal Life Church ordains people easily, quickly and online, but before you go this route:
      • Check the ULC's list of state marriage laws.
      • Call your local county clerk to ask whether your state and county accept online ordinations.
   2. A few states—such as California, Massachusetts and Alaska—will grant regular folks one-day Deputy Commissioner of Marriage status.

Step 3: Choose Your Officiant

• Get to know the officiants that you are considering so that you can make an informed decision. Conduct interviews to find a wedding officiant who shares and can represent your beliefs accurately.

1. Get to know the officiant:
   • How long has she been performing weddings and why does she do it?
   • What speeches or sermons does she plan to give at the wedding?
2. Discuss Ceremony Details:
   • Learn officiants' permissions, restrictions or requirements to see if they match your ideals:
   1. Are premarital counseling and regular service attendance optional or mandatory?
   2. Will she allow you to write your own wedding vows?
   3. Are you permitted to play songs and include readings of your choice in the ceremony?
   4. Can the photographer shoot photos inside of the ceremony venue?
   5. Are there restrictions on wedding attire?
3. Attend another service that the officiant is conducting.
4. Ask about the officiant's fee:
   • Ask if the total includes additional charges, such as for travel and rehearsal. Make sure it fits your budget.
5. Choose the officiant who fits your needs.
6. Draw up a contract:
   • Sit down with your officiant and write down all of the details, including prices, cancellation policies and backup plans.

Get to know your officiant so that he can guide you and personalize your wedding. (Creative Commons photo by Omid Tavallai)

Officiant Etiquette

• If you've gone through counseling or spent a great deal of time preparing your ceremony, you will be close to your officiant by your wedding day. Show him that you appreciate his services.

1. If the officiant refuses to accept a fee, donate money to his house of worship.
2. It's customary to tip the officiant.
   • After the ceremony, the best man should give a sealed envelope with the gratuity (that the groom has given to him) to the officiant.
   • Base the tip amount on the officiant's time commitment and quality of service.
   • If money seems inappropriate, it's acceptable to give your officiant a gift.
3. Invite the officiant to the reception, and seat him with family members who will include him in conversation.

Useful Things to Know

• As you consider officiants, keep these things in mind too.

1. Many officiants can provide useful information about wedding vendors.
2. Part of your officiant's job is to sign the marriage license and mail it in.
3. If the officiant is associated with a venue, ask for a tour and request information such as whether they provide basic decorations such as candles or flowers.

Resources for How to Choose a Wedding Officiant

• The Knot: 10 Questions to Ask Your Civil Officiant
• The Knot: Q&A: Ceremony: How Much Should Officiant Be Paid?
• The Knot: Ceremony: 18 Questions to Ask Your Religious Officiant
• The Knot: Reception Etiquette: Where to Seat an Officiant?
• Onewed.com: Choosing a Wedding Officiant
• eHow: How to Find the Ideal Wedding Officiant
• eHow: How to Write a Contract for Your Wedding Officiant
• PartyPOP.com: Officiant directory
• About.com: Finding an Officiant to Perform Your Marriage 
• About.com: Should You Have a Religious Wedding? 
• frugalbride.com: Officiant Tips
• Brides.com: Ten Things You Don't Know About Officiants
• Brides.com: Friendly Officiants
• The Knot:Ceremony: Catholic Wedding Checklist
• The Knot: Interfaith Weddings: Finding an Officiant
• The Knot: Ceremony: 7 Top Tips
• The Knot: Ceremony: Civil Ceremony Basics
• Universal Live Church Monastery: Online Ordinations
• Universal Live Church Monastery: Marriage Laws
• New York Times: The Ethicist column October 21, 2007
• Weddingbee: Ordained Ministers

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